My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
