I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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