3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
