i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
