everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
