I love black thongs
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
