Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
