I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
