3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
