did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
