i permit you to call me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
