If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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