dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
