put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
