i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
