My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
