Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
