he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
