I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this just has baby written all over it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize