i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
