I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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