I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
