It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
