I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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