yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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