Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
