I'm sorry my penis didn't work
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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