so let's talk penis.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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