i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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