the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
whose ass print is on the piano?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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