i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
