I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
