I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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