i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
