Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
