so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
