its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and she was petting her beer can
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
