**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
