the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Mom said you looked used
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
