new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
