Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize