Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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