I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
