Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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