after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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