i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
