I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
