Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I believe in your delicious
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
