I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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