I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
