Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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