Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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