Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
