she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
