I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
