And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
