Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
