we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
