I just pynch a tree in the face
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
