New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
