**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
