the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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