he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
