we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
