somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
