so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
