ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
