She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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