I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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