why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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