tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
