so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
