I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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