Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
