first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
