32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
