I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
only if we run a train.
done.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
