you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
