I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
